What is concussion like?
How concussion felt for me
I was asked by a new friend, what was concussion like? What did it feel like?
This was such an interesting question. I did my best to answer, but I probably fumbled some.
I experienced headaches, fatigue, slowness in thinking. I suspect these things are pretty common.
But what was it like?
At it’s core, the worst defining aspect of it was a sense of disassociation and loss of self.
I have a recurring visual of what that was like:
I felt like I was operating my body and self from behind a gigantic wind screen window. It was like being stood inside a mech, a gundam, with windows looking outside.
In the middle was a joystick, on a podium. A microphone to speak. The controls were sometimes stiff and the movement janky. The connection to speak and hear was static. The tracking was off so movement didn’t always end up where I expected.
I spent a lot of time just kind of stood by the podium, with everything going on around me, visible through those windscreens. Waiting.
As I’ve recovered the controls have eased up. My movement has tightened up. The windscreen and podium have become smaller, until the view is my point of view again.
On the remaining bad days, the view zooms out again a little, and I’m aware of the joystick and it’s janky movement.
On the good days it’s just a memory of the feeling.